Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Last night was horrible......this morning pure joy!

Well it started around midnight. I couldn't sleep and I wanted to eat. I tossed and turned. That didn't help. I sat on the edge of my bed, rocking back and forth and sobbing. I wanted to eat so bad. I felt like my only salvation was sleep and I just could not fall asleep. So I got up and walked into the kitchen. I looked at the fridge and walked away crying. I was not going to go down that path again. Then I paced back and forth in my living room for what must of been an hour. I went back to my room around 4:00am turned on the t.v. and finally fell asleep around 5:00am.

This morning I felt very tired but happier than I have felt in years. This was huge for me. 90% of my overeating comes from eating at night. I use to eat a half box of cereal with a half a quart of milk and load it with raisins and sugar.That was around midnight. Then if I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom I would head to the kitchen and open a can of chili and take it to bed with me and eat the whole thing out of the can. Sometimes I would grab 2 things of crackers and a jar of peanut butter and eat it till I passed out.

I realize now that I used food as a comfort tool to fall asleep, kind of like how one gives a bottle of warm milk to a baby before bed time.

Tonight my new comfort will be all the support you guys have given me and the joy I know I will have when I wake up in the morning because I made it another night.

you guys are wonderful and I am so greatful to have you in my life.

13 comments:

  1. Take each night and only work on that night, don't worry about the next night. You will do this, you can do this. Wear yourself out during the day to help you fall asleep better at night and keep up a routine. Good luck! I'm rooting for ya. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are wonderful too! Thank You for sharing. It is cliche but it really is "One Day At A Time". My best friend and I say to each other Keep on Keepin On!

    ReplyDelete
  3. wow, youre really facing your inner demons here! good job!!! Maybe try creating a new bed time routine. lavender bubble bath, reading for an hour, etc. Something to replace the bad habits with good ones! Good Luck!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You are amazing. Every step you take, even if it feels like a failure to you, will eventually lead you to success. Keep on striving and remind yourself that you owe it to no else but you. You deserve the best. Just an idea here. If you find it tough to combat the eating problem at night, why dont you for starters start replacing the sinful food with healthy snacks like yogurt and nuts? Maybe that might deter you from keeping away from the fridge at night for good ;) And what about soothing music? Do you think it might help? Just my two cents worth. Take care and please dont ever give up on yourself :).

    ReplyDelete
  5. It's so cool that had your realization about your night snacking. Understanding the reason behind the behavior leads to being able to overcome it in my opinion.

    Thank you for your support and friendship. I appreciate the time you take to support so many out here.

    Take care!

    ReplyDelete
  6. That is like what it takes people 5 years in therapy to overcome. You did it on your own! So cool. What an awesome experience (in that shitty way). I love reading this stuff that you are struggling with because it hits so close to home for me. You don't even know how much progress you are making.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I admire your strength at fighting this as hard as you are!
    Each time you do, it'll make you stronger.
    It must've been such a great feeling in the morning to know you fought it!
    Good going!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am so proud of you, you can't even imagine! Yours was my favorite blog I read today. You have conquered mountains in just three days. I am so sorry it was difficult and not easy to overcome. I am gushing with lots of love and hugs for you, you really did amazing.

    Now keep it up for tonight, try to distract yourself from thinking about it. I know you can do it. You made it through last night-you can do anything.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Every day you are getting so much stronger. You didn't give in. You WON! It might still be hard, but it will get easier every time you fight it! Be proud of yourself! We are!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I agree with all the above!! I was going to say just take one night at a time and celebrate how well your doing. Baby steps!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sounds like you are breaking old habits and creating new ones. Eventually things will get easier. I have faith in you. Stay strong and keep up the great work!

    ReplyDelete
  12. That's wonderful that you have figured this out. Breaking these habits are the hardest thing to do. Good for you. Such a huge step!

    ReplyDelete